More than meets the eye my ass...

Let me begin by saying, I am a fairly educated individual as I hope many of you are. We are a worldly people with hopes and dreams of our future. We appreciate the finer things in life and I believe that we are a pretty sophisticated bunch. In the time I spent watching Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen I felt like much of my couth and sophistication has been lost. I was slapped in the face and mocked for my level of intelligence.

Maybe my style is too highbrow for the crowd in which the film was intended. I don’t want to completely describe the person in question because I may offend some. I will say many of those questionable individuals were sitting near me in the theater and they live in Dayton, Ohio. Listening to Optimus Prime’s beginning monologue I was confused. I wanted to brush off my feelings, but I thought it was just me being myself. I shrugged my shoulders and continued on attempting to follow the storyline. Another 35 minutes passed and I finally understood where the movie was going. Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf’s character aka God’s Gift of the Beef – look it up. That’s what his name means) is headed off to some unnamed East Coast Ivy League school leaving his super hot, super out of his league girlfriend Mikela (played by “the next Angelina” Megan Fox) who didn’t go to college like her boyfriend. What a message to teenage girls everywhere! The two of them become entangled in an all out war between the Autobots and the Decepticons who under the guidance of their fearless leader “The Fallen” have decided to destroy Earth’s sun in their quest for energy and universal domination.

The film itself was crude, sexist, racist, and above all else terrible. Don’t get me wrong, I loved the first Transformers. I was terribly excited to see this one, but the moment that I saw a little too much of Megan Fox’s behind in the very beginning of the movie, I was skeptical. Then I saw her panties (white by the way) and then I saw ANOTHER girl’s panties (this time they were turquoise. They matched her dress, of course) while she was straddling and making out with Sam. Women in the film were discussed as being hot and nothing else. Even a college professor got in on the act of exploiting “the hottness” of his female students. There was reference to a robot’s scrotum and another character was affectionately called a pussy. Two new Autobots, Mudflap and Skids, added colorful coonery to the poorly developed plot. At one point they were asked if they knew how to read, to which they confidently admitted they hadn’t taken the time to learn the valuable skill. Through most of the film they slapped each other around like only twin brothers would and their vocabulary made Jar Jar Binks look like Malcom X. The editing made the film even worse. The transitions were choppy which made it more difficult to follow the plot as the movie went on.

Overall, I was disappointed. Hurt. Bewildered. Bamboozled. How could Michael Bay take a perfectly good franchise and ruin it so completely? Maybe I am taking the movie too seriously. I thought about the idea of being spoiled (something an only child would do) by so many great films too early in the summer. Maybe I should have taken the film for what it was, a ridiculous action packed ride that will take your mind off of a stressful summer. There were a few drool worthy action sequences, but to blame the editing, it was hard to follow. I wont deny that the film wont make tons of money this weekend and that many of your friends will tell you they loved it. I guess I was looking for something that would make me think.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is rated PG-13 and runs about 2 hours and 30 minutes